a perfect consort

Think about how kind God has been to make the means of satisfying his holiness, the perfect atonement for our sin, something we can’t attain.

Because of this we can’t and don’t need to strive for it.  We don’t have to spend our life’s energy struggling to appease God.  It would be a pointless attempt.  Instead, he provides the perfect sacrifice, so we are free to love and obey him.

If he were a tyrant, that would not be much of an opportunity.  But he’s not.  He’s proved his love for us.  He’s proved his exquisite perfections as a companion and lover.  He is selfless, joyful, fun loving, creative, artistic, kind, gentle, easy to talk to, supportive and encouraging, yet pushing us to greater heights in personal growth, providing meaning and purpose for our activities – frequently with a sense of humor.

This is the God who designs a new sunrise and sunset every twenty-four hours.  Who created us to appreciate the vision and sound and rhythm of ocean waves crashing on shore.  Who designed our ears to hear and distinguish a litany of sounds to which our entire body may choose to respond with abandon through dance.

It discourages me that we continue to malign your character and intent.  Please build in me a more firm and polished vision of your designs and desires, and an anxiousness to participate in your scheme.

when I’m the audience

Exasperation.  That’s what I feel when I believe I am ineffective, a time waster, a thumb-twiddler, a drainer rather than investor of time, impact, substance or benefit.

Sometimes factors out of our control force us to be observers rather than participants:  a severe, debilitating illness such as multiple sclerosis or paralysis; short-term inconveniences such as my Meniere’s episode today; the gathering snow outside; canceled, delayed or over-booked airplane flights; losses of electrical power; an empty ink cartridge; a holiday that closes the library, post office or bank; a tornado that shreds your brick and mortar home; being castaway on a desert island.

What if it’s not about accomplishment?  What if these “inconveniences” are really wake-up calls to a greater reality?  If the ultimate goal is one other than accomplishment, then no amount of thwarting need lead to exasperation.  Postponement would be inconsequential. 

Tell that to those who sign the paychecks.

In the meantime, I feel you calling me to loosen my grip on the acts of achievement, accomplishment… impact.  But with what do I plug the subsequent hole, bridge the widening chasm of apparent purposelessness?  Is there a balance between doing and watching?  Will you help me find it?

effective remembering…

This morning, Pastor Charles addressed some of the initial activities of the Israelites upon entering the promised land following their forty-year holding pattern.  These activities involved remembering.  John Eldredge discusses the necessity of remembering in his book, The Journey of Desire, quoting Deuteronomy 4:9, “Only be careful and watch yourselves closely so that you do not forget the things your eyes have seen or let them slip from your heart.” 

I entitled this blog, “stones of remembrance” because I wanted to take stones from the last fourteen years of my prayer journals and display them, so people could ask, as did those observing the pile of stones on the banks of the Jordan River, “What do they mean?”  And in explaining, I am reminded, too.  For I see I have the same spiritual cycle as the Israelites, only on a less grand scale.  You work miracles on my behalf; I generate temporary excitement and praise; the excitement and praise die with the increased tympany of life; I forget your past provision as I wade the muck and mire of my most current crisis; I call out in frustration and desperation; you work a miracle on my behalf.  And so it goes. 

I ask for effective remembering….

party crashers

My class’s discussion of the Parable of the Ten Virgins in Matthew 25 raised some interesting observations.  We noted how all ten virgins appeared alike – ready and awaiting the coming of the Bridegroom.  They all had lamps and oil – only the five foolish women came unprepared with enough oil to wait out the Bridegroom’s impending approach.  When they left to get more oil, and the Bridegroom arrived, he claimed not to know them – and come to think of it, if they had truly known him, they would have been aware of his schedules, agenda, priorities, and they would have come prepared for a longer wait. 

Is that the key?  Did they never really know You in the first place?  And is that why they were excluded from the celebration?  Party crashers!  It makes me think of others I know who appear to belong to the wedding party – but do they truly know You?  Do they really belong?  You are the only one that knows my heart.  Will I be faithful to the end?  I believe I truly know You – but I imagine others have thought that and been confused.  I pray You would hold me tightly to the end…

horse and rider

Something I observed in my reading of Hope Rising (Kim Meeder, 2003, Multnomah Publishers) is that before every equestrian ride, the rider grooms the animal.  Grooming seems to be an intentional combination of caressing, talking in soothing words, stroking, massaging, comforting, bonding.  When the rider adds the tack – the tools that allow her to control and maneuver the horse so she can accomplish her purposes in riding – be that labor, show, practice or pleasure – she has already built relationship with the animal.  The animal is ready and willing to participate in and support whatever task the rider has chosen.  The longer the horse and rider have to spend together and develop that relationship, the more effective they become together, enabling them to accomplish greater and greater feats as a team. 

That sounds just like You and me.  There is a place for the daily grooming – experiencing and building love, relationship and trust; for dressing with the tack (Your Word) to guide, direct and compel; for the work itself – whether that work takes the form of hard labor, demonstration/show before the world (demonstrating your glory), practicing/preparing for life in eternity, or for just the pleasure that comes in knowing, loving and spending time with each another.

life changed november 27, 2006

I used to be able to say “I have four children,” when people asked.  I guess I still have four children.  Only one of them is now living somewhere else.  Somewhere inaccessible to me at the moment.  We had two memorial services in order for all who loved him to reminisce – one in Oregon and one in Texas.  The service in Oregon was comprised mostly of family, and so as his mother, I was invited to say a few words…

Not long ago I read a portion of Randy Alcorn’s book, Heaven.  I remember him discussing C.S. Lewis’ metaphorical portrayal in The Silver Chair of our confusion over the reality of heaven.  The Queen of Underland sought to deceive Prince Rilian, Jill, Scrubb and Puddleglum regarding the existence of Narnia and the Overland, speaking words of denial with a soothing, comforting voice.

We, as they, have been lulled into a forgetfulness and befuddlement regarding the greater reality of what we cannot see.  Jesus told us that this solar system and earth will pass away.  And Peter tells us it will be replaced by a new heaven and earth, undamaged by selfishness and uncursed by God. The writer of Hebrews continually contrasts the realities of this planet with the realities of heaven, indicating things here are only shadows, or copies of a greater reality – elusive, faded, hazy representations of a crisp, vibrant, intense and meaningful existence.

I don’t think of heaven as something I hope exists.  To me, heaven is more of a sure thing than this life.  Nate’s fearless manner of living demonstrated he felt that way, too.  Mankind is continually discovering our own confusion and the limitations of our understanding of the world around us.  Remember when margarine was considered a healthy substitute for butter?  Or baby formula was considered superior to breast milk?

I’ve recently spent a few months living on a tropical island, and it amazes me how much we’ve deluded ourselves about paradise.  We want that perfection so badly, that we’ll accept a sub-standard substitute.  I’ve had a number of people insistently proclaim our island to be a true paradise.  And I think:  wild fires, black snow, fresh water pollution with herbicides and pesticides, ocean water pollution with human waste and toilet paper that washes up on the lovely beaches, shark attacks, prickly cactus, congested traffic, outrageous property costs with resulting homelessness, AA meetings six mornings a week, giant flying cockroaches, earthquakes, tsunamis, volcanic eruptions and vog -  not to mention broken, self-focused and empty people.  If this is the true paradise – we are truly without hope.

But thankfully, Nate, Jesus, Peter, C.S. Lewis and I know better.

Father, may I never become complacent, and satisfied with the token offerings of this world.  May I ceaselessly yearn for my heavenly home.  May I continue to raise my sights toward the solid, sure realities of eternity.