I was thinking about how the sensations one  experiences when  they have an inner ear disorder correlate to the way we understand in the spiritual realm.

When you have vertigo, if you don’t know better, you believe you or the world around you is spinning. You can even have sympathetic head movement to something that is not actually happening. If you have a balance disorder, you occasionally feel weighted down on one side, as though you were being pulled in one direction. I have had both of these sensations numerous times. Because of the impairment to my right ear, I cannot distinguish which direction a sound is coming from. Reality is uncertain.

When it comes to the spiritual realm, we all tend to think we have clarity. That we can understand reality and make corresponding decisions with certainty.  In the 1960′s or so, trusting this to be true, many progressive parents went so far as to allow their children to choose which religion they wanted to pursue, or which church they wished to attend, or not – as though their children had spiritual insight by osmosis, and nothing could clutter their understanding and keep them from making wise choices.

But what if in this regard, the spiritual realm is no different than the physical? If we can be broken or dysfunctional physically, why do we think our spiritual side is any different? Especially when it is so tied to our emotions, our psyche and the “truths” modeled in our family or cultural environment?

Think about the impact on someone’s spiritual reality if they have been raised by a nanny as the child of an emotionally distant billionaire. Or been kidnapped and forced to become a child soldier and murder, maim and rape even their own mother. Or been sold into sex slavery by their drug-addicted parents and moved to a foreign land to “work” 18-hour days. Or been raised in a Christian, Midwestern US, upper-middle-class white suburb with a stay-at-home soccer mom.

All of these people are going to see God differently. Even when they are reading the same scriptures. Their relationship with him is going to be built differently, beginning at a different starting point and moving at different angles, with different pieces of the puzzle put in place in a different order. Each will “see” or understand certain facets of God more effectively than the others based upon their brokenness, their unique impairment.

Which makes you wonder if that is a value in brokenness – whether physical or spiritual: it allows us to see God from different angles… angles that might be missed, or taken for granted, otherwise.

• Islamabad, Pakistan
• Baghdad, Iraq
• Kabul, Afghanistan

They were unbelievably costly to build, and are incredibly costly to operate. I wonder what we plan to do with all that investment when we leave the area…?

Do other people have the same voracious hunger for information that I have? I don’t have time to read everything that interests me, but whenever I’m reseaching one thing, and am distracted by another in the process, I bookmark it, or email it to myself, or subscribe to the RSS feed. And I have a broad range of information that interests me – some of which relates to writing, and small business marketing and social media.

Occasionally I get to review a few  of the enormous number of feeds to which I subscribe (!), and today this one sounded interesting. And it brought back unexpected memories…

The author does an effective job of explaining how people resist claims of perfection, as they intuitively know they are chicanery, whether the claims relate to a product, or breadth of knowledge, or personal integrity.

I grew up in an environment that encouraged such subterfuge. Not consciously. I don’t believe people were intentionally teaching me to be duplicitous. I don’t think they realized that’s what they were doing. We were told to separate ourselves from the evils in the world, and that would assist us in the development of personal righteousness.

Now I believe this to be true. I believe that if we refrain from stealing or frequenting strip clubs or abusing drugs or physically assaulting our neighbors or children when we’re angry, that these abstentions will assist us in developing righteousness. But over time, we tend to forget these restraints are only helps. And as we discover how difficult it is to maintain personal integrity, some of us start to expand the list of activities and people and places we avoid – thinking such choices will preserve and protect our moral perfection.

Only when we get this far, we’ve really lost sight of the goal. The goal isn’t to cocoon ourselves, to coat ourselves in impenetrable titanium and hold our breath until we are rescued from this harsh reality called life, unblemished.  The goal is to invade the darkness with light. To take the offensive. To step bravely toward evil as it accosts us and resist it’s lure and expose it’s costs.

And we can’t do that if we are never in the presence of evil. Neither would we be perfect; we would only be untried. Segregating ourselves from evil makes life more manageable. We unconsciously attempt to live it in our own strength, because when you’ve placed all those fences around yourself – it’s doable. Living in the midst of darkness is not manageable. It requires a power and wisdom beyond our own.

I used to be the Queen of Fences. A few still resist dismantling. I remember a time in Bible college when I asked myself, “Is this all there is? Is this all it takes to live a righteous and holy life?” I had no idea that my fences were what made “perfection” easy. That my controlled approach to living life, limiting my exposure to the brokenness of the world and denying the rest, was giving me a false picture of my own goodness.

I wonder if that’s why so many people despise Christians, today. They ran into me thirty years ago, and they knew I wasn’t real…

My mom was a public schoolteacher in California for 30 years. She was amazed at the quality and robustness of her health insurance coverage when she retired. It looks like that might not last much longer. Thankfully, she may not experience any alteration, as she is 84 years old, and it might take a little while for the dust to settle and decisions to be made.

I appreciate Mr. Von Drehle’s use of the term “magical thinking” with respect to politicians assuming their poor leadership and choices would be circumvented by an assumed rise in the stock market. Hosea was just kidding when he talked about sowing and reaping.

I occasionally struggle with magical thinking, and it’s helpful to be reminded of its absurdity…

Possum Kingdom Lake - home of Boy Scout summer camp for Troop  890. I think I’ve only been there once to drop off my son, Nate for camp. He had cherished memories of that place. Possom Kingdom Lake is also one of the latest victims of the Texas wildfires.

It reminds me of Nate’s other favorite camp, Eagle Lake – the Navigators summer youth camp near Colorado Springs, Colorado. Eagle Lake was also threatened by fire – the Colorado wildfires of 2002. Nate was there as a camp counselor that year. The fires were encroaching and the camp was evacuated in advance of the flames.

Because he had been a firefighter one summer with his brother, Tim, Nate was allowed to remain behind as part of the contingent battening down the hatches. He told a story about climbing the mountain on the far side of the small lake to cry out like Elijah and plead on behalf of the camp, that it might be spared.

And it was. The flames actually went around both sides of the camp.

There is a respite right now, but I’m sure there are a lot of Texans still asking God to spare their homes and towns from further fire. And I pray he would. I pray he would send them Elijahs to cry out on their behalf…

Those statements are from John and Staci Eldredges’ book, Captivating. And they most aptly apply to my mental and emotional state the past few days.

I received my lease renewal contract last week, and  was struggling with whether or not to sign it. Beginning in June, I will no longer have an income – and how can you enter into a financial contract when you know you can’t pay it? I soon become one of the burgeoning group of unemployed who have exhausted their 99 weeks. And that anniversary happens to coincide with the completion of my job training program. I wonder if I feel the way graduating college students do? All dressed up with nowhere to go. And just like them, I’m wondering if I need to move back home with my mom.

In order to halt my self pity and the tears beginning to cloud my vision of the office computer, I took a walk on my lunch hour to wrestle with God. Last year at this time, I was officially homeless – a far too common theme in my life. A number of kind friends let me couch-surf for the several weeks it took to secure what turned out to be an unexpectedly short contract job, and a studio. I’m grateful to have made it through a full year since that scrape. And now it’s time to embark on a new faith-building adventure. Only my faith is pretty small. And so, the lunch-hour wrestling match.

As I walk west down Jackson, I audibly discuss my distraction, my self-pity, my fear, my disappointment. I don’t animate the conversation, as there are too many people around. I tell God I am incapable of getting over this emotional hump. Like the father of the demoniac, who said, “I believe, help my unbelief,” I say, “I need you to empower me to trust your heart and your schedule and your provision. I don’t want to be like Eve…”

When I return to my computer, I realize I feel a lot better! Burdens have been lifted. I am actually cheerful the remainder of the day.

But I’ll have to return regularly to that place. To that place of total insufficiency and complete dependence. Tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after. Because we’re not in heaven yet. And this is one of the few means you have to keep us connected in the meantime…

via BBC News – Louis Theroux: Westboro Baptist Church revisited.

“What emerged to me was I was seeing a family that through its own tortured logic was involved in a long process of tearing itself apart, while denying at every stage what it was plainly doing. …Human beings who, in a weird way, are victimising themselves along with all those they picket.”

The Westboro Baptist Church is unfamiliar to me. Although I’d heard, over time, of a group of people picketing funerals, I was unaware of who they were or their larger agenda. I missed Mr. Theroux’s first documentary, which no doubt would have educated me. I’m grateful he made it. I’ve been reading the prophet Habakkuk lately, and noticed a phrase I find soundly refreshing, and hope characterizes Mr. Theroux’s work: “be exposed. The Lord’s right hand is coming around to you, and disgrace will cover your glory.” (2:16).

Now this passage is addressing those who exploit and victimize others to satiate their own greed. But doesn’t that seem to be what’s going on at Westboro? Somebody is greedy. For power. For fame. For devotion. For emotional energy. And they are seeking to legitimize and mask that greed in theological nomenclature.

With each step taken following that somebody further down the rabbit hole, you make a decision: “I am fully invested in this relationship, no matter what” or “I can no longer support this outrageous behavior.” If you choose the former, it costs you your individuality, your conscience, your freedom, your soul. I was stunned, but not surprised, to notice in a video interview of Shirley Phelps-Roper that she maintained a constant grin despite the topic of discussion. And I was reminded of how I had to suppress all personal feelings in order to continue in my status quo. Others later commented on my inability to emotionally engage in life. There, but for the grace of God, go I.

In order to choose the latter option, you first have to relinquish all hopes for the future. For it could cost you everything – spouse, family, friends, home, financial security, safety, even your life. Lauren, a granddaughter of the clan was permanently banished for resisting.

I believe people don’t choose to become this kind of a tyrant unless they have hidden evil in their souls that drives them. Nate, a son of the founder, Fred Phelps, escaped his home and the church the moment he was emancipated. Thirty years later, he speaks about the abuse that took place in his home. Based on the little I’ve seen, I imagine there will be more to come. My patriarch’s demons were very dark, indeed. And looking back, I can see how they shaped him.

And I am grateful for a God who exposes…

It is clear pigeons have more potential than we allow. Its refreshing to learn
some know this and are capitalizing on this potential. It appears China is much more inventive and resourceful than we, here in America.

Would some American with time on their hands, please take up the gauntlet and figure out what productive thing we can do with all our spare pigeons? They have untapped potential and are clearly bored to tears…

As I was distractedly listening to NPR a few short weeks ago while getting ready for work, I was caught up short… They were relating Wisconsin’s Democrat legislators had gone into hiding to avoid voting on a bill, SB-11.

And I flashed back to Oregon, 1993. I was working for the Senate Water Committee during the legislative session.  I was new to the legislative climate and procedures – a little in a fog. Because of my inexperience, I made an effort to sit in on the daily Senate sessions in an attempt to get the bigger picture. When one day, there was clamor and chaos as the Senate Republicans proceeded to flee the building to avoid voting on a controversial bill. I can’t, for the life of me, remember which bill or what it encompassed. But I do remember being appalled. And in awe… as one lone freshman senator had the guts to remain behind – Senator Gordon Smith.

Senator Smith gained my respect that day. I viewed him a man of honor and integrity, an adult among cowering children. I know that’s harsh. But I struggle with using manipulation to accomplish your purposes, rather than fighting the good fight and entrusting the results to God.

I don’t begin to know or understand the in’s and out’s of Wisconsin’s SB-11,  but I do have my opinion on the rights and responsibilities of elected officials. And I believe there are times when it is appropriate to accept defeat with honor, and go home to develop Plan B.

Quite frankly, it seems SB-11 is just a beginning for what all states need to be doing to address their deficits. And when a different state’s legislative body has courage to become the new Wisconsin, and take on the next necessary step toward fiscal responsibility, I’m sure they’d be grateful for a solid, effective model to follow in this harrowing business of rescuing us from ourselves.

I must have missed something. Of course this was taking place just around the time I was born. That must be why. I thought the idea of exploding nuclear bombs in the atmosphere above the planet was all in the future tense… And now I discover from Scientific American that this was taking place – by the hands of the Americans and Russians – in the 1950′s: “the militaries of both nations sought to modify the global environment for military purposes.”

!!!!!!

And so why aren’t we attributing any of the “global warming” to that?!

“After 1945 three technologies—nuclear weapons, digital computers and satellites—dominated discussions about ultimate weather and climate control, but with very little acknowledgement that unintended consequences and social disruption may be more damaging than any presumed benefit.”

Its a little late to take it all back, now. And I will never cease to be amazed that those our society deems the most intelligent continue to perpetuate their “unintended consequences” on the rest of the planet…

I Corinthians 3:19 (NAS) “For the wisdom of this world is foolishness before God. …He is the one who catches the wise in their own craftiness.”

For those of us who have yet to live through a major disaster, I thought this website gives sobering insight into the nitty gritty of such an experience, including

• the need of “offenders” to contact their parole officers
• pharmacies where methodone users can have their perscriptions filled
• missing persons inquiries
• water and sewer access
• lost and found dogs
• toilet and shower access
• water delivery (and reminders to boil first)
• food and fuel supplies
• garbage collection

Thankfully their hospital is still operational. This quake was of a smaller magnitude than the one they had five months ago, yet this one caused far greater devastation. I pray New Zealanders would develop an incredible ability to care for one another during this challenging time…

In watching marriage in our American culture postposed to later and later times in life – for various and sundry reasons – I have concluded people don’t get married because they don’t have to anymore. Imagine how different things would be if sex was impossible to secure outside of marriage. You’d see a lot more 20-year-olds getting married.

And there are arguments about how beneficial that would be, considering the divorce rate. But I don’t believe the divorce rate is due to people marrying “too early” or the “wrong person.” The person you married becomes the right person, simply because you married them. And the rest is simply the process of growing, developing and expanding your ability to love in challenging circumstances. Marriage is a crucible. Family is one of the most effective contexts for God to stretch us and shape us and file off the rough edges.

But our culture has created an alternate reality regarding marriage. It claims marriage is about my happiness, and my fulfillment, and my joy.

And thats where the lie starts. If we really buy into that lie, we will get divorced a multitude of times, or finally quit getting married at all. Which is what we’ve done.

Speaking as a divorcee, I will admit there can be unusual and inordinate circumstances that seem insurmountable.  But they aren’t usually the result of marrying too early. They are more connected to a fracture in our support systems – and our willingness to fully and effectively disclose truth within those systems, and acknowledge others may have a clearer picture of reality than we do.

I am reading “All Over But the Shoutin’,” right now – a memoir of growing up in poor, rural Alabama in the 1960′s. And Rick Bragg’s mother married into a very difficult situation. Her choice of husband didn’t have to exclusively be her own. She had family who wanted to weigh in on her choice. But we frequently think we can’t trust our family to help us make such decisions. So we either distance them, relieving them of the opportunity to weigh in, or we paint rosier pictures to gain their approval and support. When others do delicately express concern, we discount it, rather than leaning into it to search out any possibility of truth.

I did this. I distrusted my parents’ ability to wisely guide me due to their own dysfunctions. And I subconsciously withheld information from other interested adults and friends whom I feared might discourage me from moving forward. And I didn’t acknowledge, even to myself, that I was mentally building a case for marriage on faulty rationale.

Sociologically speaking, I wonder what it would take for men in our culture to return to being motivated to marry, and for women to respond? And what could we do to strengthen those essential support structures and our relationship to them?

I’m not sure why I find cooking classes so much fun. There was a time when I first moved to Chicago, that I searched for all possible options for taking such classes. I really wanted to attend culinary school, but that appeared impossible. So, the next best thing seemed to be taking one class at a time – maybe once a month – until I learned everything I wanted.

But it’s not just the food that I love. There is something about working together with others on a project like dinner that promotes easy conversation and camaraderie with complete strangers. Maybe its that we are all starting from a humble position of coming to learn. Or maybe its that we all care about food.

Whatever the reason, I highly recommend it! Following is the menu we prepared for our class and a couple of pictures:

• Cheese Gougeres
• Pasta with Beurre Blanc
• Salmon
• Chocolate Souffle

This medical research finding seems way overdue considering homeopaths have been administering remedies sublingually for generations. And many have been taking allergy immunotherapy sublingually, particularly in Europe. I guess I’m glad to see the medical community is starting to catch up…

And Sri Lanka has been battling historic flooding for a number of days now…

And don’t forget Brazil… still recovering “from “the worst climate-related tragedy in Brazilian history.