princes among men
March 3, 2007
Yesterday we fasted and prayed for Richard, a 32-year-old husband and father of one at Winnetka Bible Church who has been struggling with liver and colon cancer for about two years, now. This morning at 8:00, the church was meeting for a potluck breakfast and further prayer for the family. They will be meeting with the doctor on Monday for a revised prognosis.
This morning I was perusing the Winter ’07 issue of MoodyAlumni, the magazine for former Moody Bible Institute and grad school students. There are always the compulsory sections with news – ministry updates, marriages, births – and deaths. I noticed a 36-year-old pilot, husband and father of three, died in a plane crash in Louisiana. And Todd, a 25-year-old musician and servant to the homeless in San Francisco also died of unmentioned causes recently.
I decided to review the video Nate’s friends made for his Texas memorial service while I remained home from the breakfast with a cold-stricken grandson. Now into the fourth month since, I am starting to cry more. I say “more.” I don’t think I cried at all the first month. Maybe it was shock. Maybe I’m so practiced at denying myself feelings, I didn’t know how. I’ve been recovering about seventeen years, now, but I haven’t made much progress in the realm of passion or grief.
I think I need to learn to dance…
I miss you, Nathan.
I love you, Pam.
I was concerned about your response to Nate’s death. I never saw you cry. As broken as I was, I know you had to be reeling. You have been in my prayers and actually I’m glad to know that the tears are coming. It is so much better, healthier, more whole, to feel deeply – even when the feeling is deep sorrow – especially when the feeling is deep joy.
I know you don’t ask for my prayers, Pam, but you have always had them, as well as my gratitude.
Still praying,
Nate’s Step-mom