impairment

I was thinking about how the sensations one  experiences when  they have an inner ear disorder correlate to the way we understand in the spiritual realm.

When you have vertigo, if you don’t know better, you believe you or the world around you is spinning. You can even have sympathetic head movement to something that is not actually happening. If you have a balance disorder, you occasionally feel weighted down on one side, as though you were being pulled in one direction. I have had both of these sensations numerous times. Because of the impairment to my right ear, I cannot distinguish which direction a sound is coming from. Reality is uncertain.

When it comes to the spiritual realm, we all tend to think we have clarity. That we can understand reality and make corresponding decisions with certainty.  In the 1960′s or so, trusting this to be true, many progressive parents went so far as to allow their children to choose which religion they wanted to pursue, or which church they wished to attend, or not – as though their children had spiritual insight by osmosis, and nothing could clutter their understanding and keep them from making wise choices.

But what if in this regard, the spiritual realm is no different than the physical? If we can be broken or dysfunctional physically, why do we think our spiritual side is any different? Especially when it is so tied to our emotions, our psyche and the “truths” modeled in our family or cultural environment?

Think about the impact on someone’s spiritual reality if they have been raised by a nanny as the child of an emotionally distant billionaire. Or been kidnapped and forced to become a child soldier and murder, maim and rape even their own mother. Or been sold into sex slavery by their drug-addicted parents and moved to a foreign land to “work” 18-hour days. Or been raised in a Christian, Midwestern US, upper-middle-class white suburb with a stay-at-home soccer mom.

All of these people are going to see God differently. Even when they are reading the same scriptures. Their relationship with him is going to be built differently, beginning at a different starting point and moving at different angles, with different pieces of the puzzle put in place in a different order. Each will “see” or understand certain facets of God more effectively than the others based upon their brokenness, their unique impairment.

Which makes you wonder if that is a value in brokenness – whether physical or spiritual: it allows us to see God from different angles… angles that might be missed, or taken for granted, otherwise.

did you know…?

Did you know that the three largest American embassies in the world are in:

• Islamabad, Pakistan
• Baghdad, Iraq
• Kabul, Afghanistan

They were unbelievably costly to build, and are incredibly costly to operate. I wonder what we plan to do with all that investment when we leave the area…?

fences…

What Your Blog Audience Knows About You That They Won’t Say.

Do other people have the same voracious hunger for information that I have? I don’t have time to read everything that interests me, but whenever I’m reseaching one thing, and am distracted by another in the process, I bookmark it, or email it to myself, or subscribe to the RSS feed. And I have a broad range of information that interests me – some of which relates to writing, and small business marketing and social media.

Occasionally I get to review a few  of the enormous number of feeds to which I subscribe (!), and today this one sounded interesting. And it brought back unexpected memories…

The author does an effective job of explaining how people resist claims of perfection, as they intuitively know they are chicanery, whether the claims relate to a product, or breadth of knowledge, or personal integrity.

I grew up in an environment that encouraged such subterfuge. Not consciously. I don’t believe people were intentionally teaching me to be duplicitous. I don’t think they realized that’s what they were doing. We were told to separate ourselves from the evils in the world, and that would assist us in the development of personal righteousness.

Now I believe this to be true. I believe that if we refrain from stealing or frequenting strip clubs or abusing drugs or physically assaulting our neighbors or children when we’re angry, that these abstentions will assist us in developing righteousness. But over time, we tend to forget these restraints are only helps. And as we discover how difficult it is to maintain personal integrity, some of us start to expand the list of activities and people and places we avoid – thinking such choices will preserve and protect our moral perfection.

Only when we get this far, we’ve really lost sight of the goal. The goal isn’t to cocoon ourselves, to coat ourselves in impenetrable titanium and hold our breath until we are rescued from this harsh reality called life, unblemished.  The goal is to invade the darkness with light. To take the offensive. To step bravely toward evil as it accosts us and resist it’s lure and expose it’s costs.

And we can’t do that if we are never in the presence of evil. Neither would we be perfect; we would only be untried. Segregating ourselves from evil makes life more manageable. We unconsciously attempt to live it in our own strength, because when you’ve placed all those fences around yourself – it’s doable. Living in the midst of darkness is not manageable. It requires a power and wisdom beyond our own.

I used to be the Queen of Fences. A few still resist dismantling. I remember a time in Bible college when I asked myself, “Is this all there is? Is this all it takes to live a righteous and holy life?” I had no idea that my fences were what made “perfection” easy. That my controlled approach to living life, limiting my exposure to the brokenness of the world and denying the rest, was giving me a false picture of my own goodness.

I wonder if that’s why so many people despise Christians, today. They ran into me thirty years ago, and they knew I wasn’t real…

Pew Pension Survey: A Fiscal Wake-Up Call for the States | Swampland

Pew Pension Survey: A Fiscal Wake-Up Call for the States | Swampland.

My mom was a public schoolteacher in California for 30 years. She was amazed at the quality and robustness of her health insurance coverage when she retired. It looks like that might not last much longer. Thankfully, she may not experience any alteration, as she is 84 years old, and it might take a little while for the dust to settle and decisions to be made.

I appreciate Mr. Von Drehle’s use of the term “magical thinking” with respect to politicians assuming their poor leadership and choices would be circumvented by an assumed rise in the stock market. Hosea was just kidding when he talked about sowing and reaping.

I occasionally struggle with magical thinking, and it’s helpful to be reminded of its absurdity…

possum kingdom lake

Possum Kingdom Lake - home of Boy Scout summer camp for Troop  890. I think I’ve only been there once to drop off my son, Nate for camp. He had cherished memories of that place. Possom Kingdom Lake is also one of the latest victims of the Texas wildfires.

It reminds me of Nate’s other favorite camp, Eagle Lake – the Navigators summer youth camp near Colorado Springs, Colorado. Eagle Lake was also threatened by fire – the Colorado wildfires of 2002. Nate was there as a camp counselor that year. The fires were encroaching and the camp was evacuated in advance of the flames.

Because he had been a firefighter one summer with his brother, Tim, Nate was allowed to remain behind as part of the contingent battening down the hatches. He told a story about climbing the mountain on the far side of the small lake to cry out like Elijah and plead on behalf of the camp, that it might be spared.

And it was. The flames actually went around both sides of the camp.

There is a respite right now, but I’m sure there are a lot of Texans still asking God to spare their homes and towns from further fire. And I pray he would. I pray he would send them Elijahs to cry out on their behalf…

doubt…

Eve “was convinced God was holding out on her.” She was “convinced that she could not trust his heart toward her.” She was “convinced that in order to have the best possible life, she must take matters into her own hands.”

Those statements are from John and Staci Eldredges’ book, Captivating. And they most aptly apply to my mental and emotional state the past few days.

I received my lease renewal contract last week, and  was struggling with whether or not to sign it. Beginning in June, I will no longer have an income – and how can you enter into a financial contract when you know you can’t pay it? I soon become one of the burgeoning group of unemployed who have exhausted their 99 weeks. And that anniversary happens to coincide with the completion of my job training program. I wonder if I feel the way graduating college students do? All dressed up with nowhere to go. And just like them, I’m wondering if I need to move back home with my mom.

In order to halt my self pity and the tears beginning to cloud my vision of the office computer, I took a walk on my lunch hour to wrestle with God. Last year at this time, I was officially homeless – a far too common theme in my life. A number of kind friends let me couch-surf for the several weeks it took to secure what turned out to be an unexpectedly short contract job, and a studio. I’m grateful to have made it through a full year since that scrape. And now it’s time to embark on a new faith-building adventure. Only my faith is pretty small. And so, the lunch-hour wrestling match.

As I walk west down Jackson, I audibly discuss my distraction, my self-pity, my fear, my disappointment. I don’t animate the conversation, as there are too many people around. I tell God I am incapable of getting over this emotional hump. Like the father of the demoniac, who said, “I believe, help my unbelief,” I say, “I need you to empower me to trust your heart and your schedule and your provision. I don’t want to be like Eve…”

When I return to my computer, I realize I feel a lot better! Burdens have been lifted. I am actually cheerful the remainder of the day.

But I’ll have to return regularly to that place. To that place of total insufficiency and complete dependence. Tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after. Because we’re not in heaven yet. And this is one of the few means you have to keep us connected in the meantime…

there, but for the grace of God…

via BBC News – Louis Theroux: Westboro Baptist Church revisited.

“What emerged to me was I was seeing a family that through its own tortured logic was involved in a long process of tearing itself apart, while denying at every stage what it was plainly doing. …Human beings who, in a weird way, are victimising themselves along with all those they picket.”

The Westboro Baptist Church is unfamiliar to me. Although I’d heard, over time, of a group of people picketing funerals, I was unaware of who they were or their larger agenda. I missed Mr. Theroux’s first documentary, which no doubt would have educated me. I’m grateful he made it. I’ve been reading the prophet Habakkuk lately, and noticed a phrase I find soundly refreshing, and hope characterizes Mr. Theroux’s work: “be exposed. The Lord’s right hand is coming around to you, and disgrace will cover your glory.” (2:16).

Now this passage is addressing those who exploit and victimize others to satiate their own greed. But doesn’t that seem to be what’s going on at Westboro? Somebody is greedy. For power. For fame. For devotion. For emotional energy. And they are seeking to legitimize and mask that greed in theological nomenclature.

With each step taken following that somebody further down the rabbit hole, you make a decision: “I am fully invested in this relationship, no matter what” or “I can no longer support this outrageous behavior.” If you choose the former, it costs you your individuality, your conscience, your freedom, your soul. I was stunned, but not surprised, to notice in a video interview of Shirley Phelps-Roper that she maintained a constant grin despite the topic of discussion. And I was reminded of how I had to suppress all personal feelings in order to continue in my status quo. Others later commented on my inability to emotionally engage in life. There, but for the grace of God, go I.

In order to choose the latter option, you first have to relinquish all hopes for the future. For it could cost you everything – spouse, family, friends, home, financial security, safety, even your life. Lauren, a granddaughter of the clan was permanently banished for resisting.

I believe people don’t choose to become this kind of a tyrant unless they have hidden evil in their souls that drives them. Nate, a son of the founder, Fred Phelps, escaped his home and the church the moment he was emancipated. Thirty years later, he speaks about the abuse that took place in his home. Based on the little I’ve seen, I imagine there will be more to come. My patriarch’s demons were very dark, indeed. And looking back, I can see how they shaped him.

And I am grateful for a God who exposes…